Assuming Makes an Ass Out of You and Me

Me: gets in Uber car from the airport to the hotel***

Uber driver: So I’m guessing you are here for a bachelorette party 

Me: No, I am here for business

Uber driver: Oh no way! Sorry I just assumed you would be here for a girls trip

Me: Nope

Uber driver: How often do you travel for work?

Me: About every other week

Uber driver: Oh wow thats a lot. Thats probably fun so long as you don’t have any kids. That wouldn’t really work if you had to take care of kids

Me: I do have kids. I have 2 actually

Uber driver: Wait what? But you look so young. How old are you?!

Me: Im 32. 

Uber driver: **removes sunglasses, and looks back at me while driving** What?! You don’t look that old. I’m sure your kids are so attached to you and its hard for you to leave huh?

Me: No actually, they are in school full time and my husband is an amazing partner so they aren’t dependent on me 

Uber driver: well thats great, you should go get a massage while you are here and just put it on your credit card. No need to tell your husband ( because lets now assume that my husband does all of our budget and accounting at home) 

This is one of many stories I have as I travel across the country for work. It’s laughable now but at the time, I felt a little frustrated that there is an assumption people have about working women.

Unfortunately, the narrative that my life must be so hard because I am a working mom or that my kids somehow can’t survive without me is one I hear all too often when I travel for work. Furthermore, the assumption that there is no way my spouse can somehow also work and be a great father is one that I hear frequently. So much so that I have developed a script about how my husband is a very engaged and amazing partner. It’s not an exaggeration that 95% of the time I travel, I get asked a question that prompts me to talk about how I handle work and family.

I will keep traveling for work not only because I LOVE working but also because people need to keep seeing different examples of what work looks like and what parenting looks like. There isn’t only one way to parent and there isn’t only one way to work. The beautiful thing about our every changing world is that we don’t have to stick to a social norm for how families have to operate. We are able to create a multitude of examples for what family and work looks like.

Moral of the story: Stay curious. Don’t assume.